Do you remember the question? What three things would you bring with you if stranded alone on a deserted island? I have pondered this question over the years when I hear it come up and I never had a solid answer because I felt I might make the wrong decision. Well, I feel this same emotion is staring me in the face, but in real life this time.
I was recently diagnosed with a breast condition called Lobular Carcinoma In Situ. It sounds scarier then what I think it is, but then what do I know. My understanding of the “condition” is that I have cells within the lobules of my breast that have cancer cells that do not invade the breast. These cancer cells are considered “markers” that could/may increase my risk of breast cancer by 1% year. If I understand this correctly, and lord knows I am a blonde, I figure over 15 years this is 15% increase for me. The doctor cannot tell me how long the cells have been there and truly whether or not my increase of breast cancer is higher just because of the finding of the cells.
Supposedly, this is a rare finding since this condition does not show up on a mammogram, MRI, ultrasound or palpation. Yet, I have already met 2 people at the gym who were diagnosed with the same condition and both had invasive cancer that was found when they decided to have their breast removed. My LCIS was incidentally because I had found a lump in my breast and a lot of lumpiness that was changing in my breast. When the surgeon did surgery , ironically the two lumps were benign (thank you) but both the margins had LCIS present.
With all this said so far, I am told I have three options of treatment:
1. Monitor the condition by having regular mammograms, ultrasounds or MRI’s performed along with constant breast examinations. (Did I mention, that from my understanding that LCIS doesn’t show up on any of the above test?) This again is confusing for me, because being the way I am, I want a definite confirmation and sense of peace.
2. Take an oral drug that is supposed to help decrease the chances of invasive breast cancer. You may have heard of the drug Tamoxifen. I read about the drug and unfortunately after reading the side effects and the other cancers risks, it scared me. My Mother took this same medication after her fight with Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (this breast cancer is not detectable on mammograms, MRI’s, ultrasounds etc.) . I have very mixed emotions, my Mother began her fight against her cancer 12 years ago and she is amazing!!! I do remember her being on the medicine and I remember some of what she dealt with while on the medication. I feel bad, but I don’t want to have hot flashes that turn me bright red, I am petrified of having joint pain, and I am even more petrified to worry if this medication may cause another cancer. With that said, I realize all this is my total fear of the unknown and I am also aware that I do not do well with the unknown. It could almost make me crazy! I was also explained that the 1% chances per year is .5% decreased by taking this medication. That’s a small amount.
3. My third option is to have my breast removed. I have HUGE fears that come along with this if I choose this route. BUT I also feel I may in the long run have peace of mind. I also realize, at this time, until more testing is done, I don’t have to make a decision any time soon. I know some woman base their feminity (is this even a word) on their breast. I personally do not. I think of them as fat, yet I must admit, I want them , and I want to feel and look like a woman. I also have my other half, and I want him to want me. I cannot help but wonder will he still be attracted to me without my real breast and what will a reconstruction look like. My mind sees Frankenstein and this absolutely petrifies me. Obviously, I haven’t seen new rebuilt breast at this point in time.
I am set up to meet an oncologist next week. Once I meet with her and compare notes from my surgeon I will be set up to consult with a doctor that can reconstruct the breast. Once all this information gathering is over, I guess I have to decide what I must do that is BEST for me.
I must admit that I have not had great experiences with the medical community since I was 23 years old. So, I feel I must go the extra mile to make the best informed decision for my future and put trust in others once again. This is really, really, really hard for me!
I also do not want to be judged by what I decide is the best decision for me. I believe it is easy for someone on the outside to question what others decide is best for themselves BUT once confronted with the decisions for themselves they realize it is very, very personal. Decisions like this are life changing and life altering. I pray to God that I make the choice that is truly best for my for my quality of life every day.
I am curious to see how my life pans out over time. Medicine is a practice and not a perfect science. I realize we are all different mechanically, emotionally, physically and especially on the cellular level. So what will this mean for me and others?
